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Monday, May 5, 2014

Becoming A Fascinating Woman: Childlike Anger

A continuation of my book study of Fascinating Womanhood, written by Helen Andelin. The first posts are here and here. This post is a summary of my understanding of what Helen Andelin describes as childlike anger. More information about childlike anger is in the book, and I encourage you to read it if you find this post or any of the others in this series interesting.



Description of Childlike Anger

Helen Andelin's description of childlike anger: 

"Childlike anger is the cute, pert, saucy anger of a little child."


When to use Childlike Anger

There will be times when you should express your anger to your husband. Certain situations may cause you to feel neglected, imposed on, or insulted. When you feel like he has treated you unfairly, you should let him know. Your goal is to diffuse the tension and bring about a quick reconciliation. You want to make your relationship with your husband better, not worse. Use childlike anger to bring about laughter and restore communication.

You should use childlike anger when your husband has been unfair to you. You should not express anger towards your husband when he has made a mistake at his job or has forgotten to fulfill one of his household responsibilities. He is human and will fail sometimes at his duties, but you should not point that out to him, those are times when he needs your understanding and support (just as you would want his).

Childlike anger should be expressed immediately or not at all. Bringing up past hurts is unfair and does little to help your relationship. Pray about it and move on.



You should never express your anger if you can not control your actions and your words. Pray and work on character traits, such as humility, forgiveness, patience, understanding, and acceptance. You may feel the need to talk to a trusted friend or parent, but remember to not run your husband's character into the ground. If all else fails, go for a walk or run or furiously clean the house. Physical labor can help you work off your ugly emotions.


Childlike anger is only possible if you work on growing spiritually and building self-esteem. Praying often and reading your bible and books about the saints and faith-filled people can help you grow in these areas.


Never use childlike anger with the intent to reform your husband of his ways. It may reform him, but that should not be the goal. Childlike anger is for you, to help you to have peace within yourself and your home.


Helen Andelin wrote,

"The only purpose of childlike anger is to vent troubled feelings, ease painful moments, preserve self dignity, and be fascinating."


How to Express Childlike Anger


1. You can not be harsh or critical. You should express yourself without bitterness, sarcasm, resentment, and ugly emotions. If you can not control your response then you should not express yourself at all.


2. You must become an actress, very dramatic actress, otherwise known as a ham. Grab the spotlight and enjoy it. Study a little girl when she is offended and repeat what you see her do. With pouted lip, stomp your foot, toss your head, turn your back on your husband, walk towards the exit, then take a moment to glance back at him.


Helen Andelin wrote,

"... you'll be launching an acting career which will save you pain, tension, frustration, a damaged relationship, and perhaps even a marriage. Is any acting career of greater importance? No, so turn on the drama. It is guaranteed to ease tension and bring humor into your life instead of pain."

3. Use adjectives that compliment your husband's male nature, such as tough, unyielding, powerful, and stubborn. You should never use words that belittle him, like weak, simpleminded, and ignorant.


4. Exaggerate your husband's treatment of you, make exaggerated threats, and be charmingly defensive.


5.You may want to bring on the tears, but you may not. Tears are honest and childlike, but they can also appear crazy if they are uncontrollable. Childlike tears will soften your husband's heart towards you, but crazy tears will frustrate him further.




My Example of Childlike Anger



With hands on her hips, Erica indignantly retorts, "You are a big brute! You are a self-assured bully, speaking to me like that. You are as unyielding as marble! I will never talk to you again." With pouting lips and a toss of her curls, she turns and walks towards the door, pausing briefly to glance back at Chris as a tear slides down her cheek.



That is not a scene from my life, but I am thinking of trying it. I am curious to see if it will bring about a smile and the tender feelings that Helen Andelin promises it will. 



Discussion


What are your thoughts? Have you tried being childlike, and if so, did it help to ease the tension? If you are new to the childlike anger concept do you think you think will try it?


I am looking forward to your comments.


Next Monday I will write about the childlike response.




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